Friday, March 31, 2006

The angel has bogged off.....

I'm back.....

I'm knackered.....

Still rough around the edges......

and off to bed......

Night night......

Bye bye Friday, look out Saturday.

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

The dummy has left the pram...

Well it's now official, Micks bloody blood pressure has enabled him to come off the job, and muggins here has been asked to replace him.

A little More money.....Yep.

Me as before, back as team leader.....Yep.

Did I want the job.....Nope.

On a brighter side of work, that's it till Monday night. So it's off in the morning to Manchester. No hurry, I expect the roads will be their usual bottle neck near the city. It's a case of get the car parked at the hotel, and find that nice cold beer I promised myself.

I think one who must be obeyed has plans on shopping Friday, so that's something else nice to look foreward to.......NOT.
Been messing around with a couple of pictures, this digital enhancement isn't as easy as it looks. What with histograms and bloody pixilation thingies, I wish people would just press the shutter and leave the resulting photo alone. Well to be truthful, it's great, just I aint got the idea yet. Hey one day I might be able to knock 2 stone off my body, digitaly of course. I tried to make Monster look all spooky in one picture, but the unedited one looks as scary. Have a look yourself and see what you think.

Ooooo, scary little monster. I might just put them on her blog....That'll make her jump.

Well the shower calls, it's shouting "Oy stinky, get your arse in here" or something like that.

Catch ya all later, might get a couple of photos whilst in Manchester. Anyway I'm off to get sorted.........BYE

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

The Angel is landing

Well, it's one more shift at '*hithole PLC', then the Touring Angel hits Manchester. Hotel booked, cold beer on order and the usual concert 'T'shirt space has been set aside in the shirt drawer, just along from the studded leather thong...I don't think.
So Thursday night, one black clad skinheed will be in the hotel bar early if you fancy a pint. If you're late, look out for the shiney bonce in The Old Wellington, or the Printworks.
Seems years since I last saw Depeche Mode at Manchester. In fact it is, bloody October 2001. I'm sure I was in shorts in the days way back then.

depeche mode tour 2005/2006

This flippin 'Anti virus' window keeps popping up to remind me I need to upgrade in the next 14 days. Yes Mr Norton, I bloody know....and thanks for telling me the one I have is no longer available, so surprise surprise, I have to purchase the latest one at a little more cost to me.
Still, I know a few who have had their 'puters' taken over lately. Ken seems to have had music and pictures removed from his, he reckons by one of those buggy things. So Mr Norton, I'll be in touch soon.
I see Arsenal are doing well tonight, I can hear screams and shouts, so I take it they've just scored again....or someones just streaked across the pitch. Either way, the dragon sounds happy downstairs.

Thanks for the text and mail Karen, just having one of those times at the moment. We all get them I suppose, but our own, is always our own....if that makes sense.

Well, the gym this afternoon was quiet. And no sight of the personal trainer doing his 'hunt the rich member' walk. Anyway, I think he's got the message when it comes to this not so rich member....SOD OFF AND LEAVE ME ALONE TO WOBBLE AND JOGGLE TO MY HEARTS CONTENT.........

Well that's the end of what looks like a bloody blog advert for Depeche Mode. Catch ya soon.

..................Roll on Thursday

Sunday, March 26, 2006

This and that....

What with this and that, and a bit of the other, I aint been on the blog scene for a few days now. Don't worry Fred, the still heart remains still.
Had a day of visiting Mam for Mothers Day, visiting the gym and having a visit from monster.

Mam was her usual "Oh you shouldn't have bothered", the gym was busy to start, but soon emptied. The "Hi buddy" personal trainer took a wide berth when I walked in. Seems he realised last time I grunted in his direction, it meant I didn't want to pay £40 extra for his instruction. If he just leaves me alone to wobble and jiggle on the jogger, we'll be ok. If not I fear we'll clash again. And I have money on me winning.

The Monster visit led to a rather heated family game. Aren't these family board games supposed to bring us together ?. Well this one almost started World War III. Seems monster has the knack of cheating down to a fine art. Maybe she's watched me too closely.

Three guesses as to the game......I swear Monster nearly blew a gasket when I charged her for landing on my water works. She soon shut up when I trespassed over her bloody Strand. With her being the banker, it made the Great Train Robbery look like a kid pinching sweets. She dipped into the flippin bank every time I took a swig of me glass of red. I swear that child has me worked out.
......and I'll never forgive her for nearly wetting herself when I got sent to jail. No comments Fred or Ally.

I see Planet Earth is on now, so I really better dash to catch a glimpse.

Monster wants her blog updating with her victorious win at Monopoly, I just want to know where she pulled that £500 note from. The little git must have deep pockets, or loose sleeves.

Nice to get a message from Briz the other day. It's hard to explain to those who don't understand. But my inability to keep in regular touch must look as though I'm one impolite son of a bitch......but that couldn't be farther from the truth. I wish I could open my thoughts and feelings to all, but then again I don't.

Life can be so complicated, and yet to most......some of us just seem devoid of any feelings. But feelings can sometimes be the last thing some want to share.

I'll always pray I was just a fraction of the man Joseph was.

I swear I'll work out your strategy monster.......I fear 'little cheat' is your middle name...or am I a bad loser ???
I think the answer is YES, I am a bad loser.

Wednesday, March 22, 2006


Well it's mid week, and getting nearer to the weekend every second. Just returned from the gym, seems nobody must like training at 7am. I must admit I have reservations when I first wake, but the quiet gym is a blessing. Some bugger at the gym has had the idea of bringing in a private training company, and what a poncy looking pair of plonkers we have walking round in their white T-shirts on, with "personal trainer" emblazoned across the back. Now don't get me wrong, some might benefit from them, but when I'm jiggling and joggling along on the treadmill I don't want some prat swaggering up and asking if I'm ok, especially when he knows his bill is £40 a time. So a disgruntled grunt soon sent him oh his way. I might be known as the grumpy jogger now,insteadd of the grumpy vampire, Ally so kindly named me.

On the job front, seems my bloody partners blood pressure has won him a reprieve from the machine, so guess who's been asked to take over his role.....MUGGINS HERE.
I didn't want the job, and don't relish it, but I couldn't really say no and risk the boss getting revenge later by forcing me onto a worse Freddie, it's back to that all important Lottery win..........HELP.

Back soon....

Sunday, March 19, 2006

Gym 0 - Monster 1

Well the gym came second to a day out with 'Little Monster'.

The venue.....Washington Wetland Centre, the weather.....bloody cold with the odd rain shower, the mood of 'monster'.....quite good actually, even though she did twist my arm into buying her that chocolate cake with the ginger biscuit.

A good day today, really enjoyed the change for a Sunday. Been worked up about work lately, so to get out the day before starting back after the weekend was a nice change. I must admit I didn't feel like it this morning, when the idea was sprung upon me with the bacon sandwich. But hey, sometimes we all need that push in life.
Monster seemed to be convinced there was the odd flamingo at the centre, but I wasn't so sure. But yes, she was right. A bloody big bunch of pink one legged creatures awaited us at the centre entrance.

The first sight, after the girl wanting money at the reception, was a sudden attack by the most violent mob of delinquent ducks, the little buggers were everywhere. Monster seemed a little nervous at first, but a few moments to get her bearings and it was the ducks who were on a fast retreat.....I was behind Monster, all the way.

The next attack came from a rather burly swan, so the rather burly Cheeky had to protect the rather less burly 'monster'. I needn't have worried, the swan seem to take a rather wide berth of 'Monster' was either her rather loud rainbow gloves, or the louder mouth she tended to use in excess all day. Bless her though, she did protect us from the Hitchcock looking birds

One lonely duck seemed to take a shine to one skinheed, the bloody thing followed me everywhere. Must have been the most intelligent one at the centre, Eh....

The end of the tour ended with a stalemate. 'Monster' stuck in a pipe, refusing to come out, till a promise of chocolate cake in the cafe was made......

I swear I've taught that child to many of my ways, what with the love of chocolate cake, and a knack of getting her own way.....apart from the hairstyle, we seem alike. Oh I have more teeth. And I don't put them in a glass thank you, Freddie & Ally

Before you say anything....

Creativity in the kitchen, or not ???

Had an afternoon slaving over a hot stove today. Well the fact that one’s belly was to be fed, made it a little more enjoyable.
Firstly a lovely curried monkfish with sweet potatoes and spinach. “Turned out nice again”, in the words of a gentleman a little more amusing than oneself. The monkfish gave a nice change to my normal selection of curry types, types ranging from chicken to chicken, and now and then, chicken for a change.

For dessert I attempted, (and this is where I require someone’s assistance) a lemon cheesecake. After a quick scout around the net I settled on what seemed like an easy recipe even I wouldn’t mess up. Well I can hold my hand up and say the cheesy bit was lovely, but the base had the texture and taste of a rather oily flip-flop. Not any old flip-flop may I add, but one that I’d just bloody slaved over for what seemed like an eternity. Even the flipping cat turned a whisker when I tried the feline taste test.
So if anybody has a foolproof recipe for a cheesecake, I’m your man.

I see Freddie had a great night watching Queen. I had the pleasure of a quick voicemail recording of the concert from her. I thought at first someone had catnapped the cat and was sending a ransom call, with a recording of it being tortured, but no, it was either the band, or Freddie screaming that her thrown knickers had landed on the drum kit. I did hear someone shout “Who turned the lights out”.

Well, one creative chef is off to bed.....Gym tomorrow, so it's a little longer on the treadmill, to burn of the flabby flip-flop.

Remember................any cheesecake recipies most welcome.

Hmm, I wonder if Ally has any cheesecake ideas....having said that, it might be quicker just contacting Bells Whiskey direct. Only joking Ally.............I know it's Teacher's really.

The polis pulls Ally over, who's been weaving in and out of the lanes in her new Lada. He goes up to the Ally's window and says, " I need ye tae blow intae this breathalyzer tube.""Naw, cannae dae that" says Ally, "ah've goat right bad asthma. If I dae that, I'll have a really bad asthma attack.""Awright, fine. I need you tae come doon tae the polis station tae gie a blood sample.""Naw, cannae dae that" says Ally, "Ah'm a haemophiliac. If I dae that, I'll bleed tae death.""Awright, fine. I need you tae come doon tae the polis station tae gie a urine sample then.""Naw, cannae dae that" says Ally, "Ah'm also a diabetic. If I dae that, I'll get right low blood sugar and pass oot.""Awright, fine. Then I need you to come oot here and walk doon this white line.""Naw, cannae dae that eether." says Ally."Why not?""Cos ah'm pished"

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Hair.....What hair ???

Seems monster wants to play hair dressers downstairs, you can understand why I find myself up here, well out of the way. Never seen SAKS in such a state as our living room is at the moment. She wants to gel my hair into some trendy design, but I just can't imagine a skinheed using gel, can you.

Well Middlesbrough play shortly, so I feel i'm going to brave the salon downstairs and try to catch the game, before work. Oh hell she's here, bang goes peace and quiet.

Another brief post....can you tell how exciting life is on nightshift

Monday, March 13, 2006

It's been a quiet weekend, what with the hangover and the bloody freezing weather, the farthest reached was the gym yesterday.
Won £21 on the Euro lottery Friday, £50 on this months premium bonds and what with the £10 last weekend, it seems that cottage in the country and no need to work is getting closer, NOT.

One can but dream...

Nightshift week this week, so don't expect a smile. A disgruntled snarl might be the norm this week.
Been posting a couple more photos onto a different site this weekend, had some good remarks and advice. I might just treat myself to a better camera soon. A few more months out and about and snapping might just make a difference. The only snapping this week will be towards the lads at work. Seems we all detest each other on nights. Mind you, we can seem like enemies on the best of days.

'Little Monster' called earlier to ask if she could pop round tomorrow. So looks like I'll have a helper whilst slaving over a hot stove. Resulting in the kitchen resembeling a warzone.

Seems some of our lads are being called home from Iraq. But let us not forget the poor lads who sacrificed their life or health in a war which I feel will never end. I personaly feel if the army returns, but the death and destruction continues, WHAT A WASTE......

So that's that tonight. I'm off to watch a little TV before the call of the night....

Cheeky's nightshift prayer.

May the Lord above look down on me
and help me through the night
Then help me win the Lottery
Cos work right now is sh*te.


I think I need a stress toy..

Saturday, March 11, 2006

Lazy day

Well, last night on the town went well. So well that this morning seemed to sort of blend into this afternoon. Ones heed was a little sore and ones belly felt rather, shall we say "sorry for itself".

Not done anything today, apart from the Tesco run earlier. 'Little Monster' has threatened to visit any time now, so let battle commence. Had a little drink this afternoon, maybe too early this afternoon, but who cares, let's throw caution to the wind. I'll tell you how bored I got, I took a couple of pictures of the glass of wine, hahahaha. Yep, and here they are.

An aerial shot of Isla Negra Merlot Rose

And for a final one, not the 'Pure liquid flowing over the morning rays' .....but 'My glass of Merlot sat on top of my Petzl headtorch' that's just ruined the romance of a picture, hasn't it.

Oh, and Ally. The grubby fingerprints on the glass, don't match the ones on your windowsill..........yet.

I see Freddies off out tonight, seems she's getting a right 'stopout' lately. Look Out Hamilton, lock up yer men....

Talking of Hamilton, I noticed the shot glass today in the cabinet, the one Freddies neighbours gave as a gift.....A more crazy, friendly and down right loopy pair of neighbours you couldn't wish for.......The next time you invite me into the hot tub lads.....I want airbags around the perimeter, just for the occasional fall.....I may have....again !!!

I know we're hard, handsome and irresistable. But we still need our bonding sessions.

Any more bother from you sonny, and I'll send the boys round

...and you wouldn't want that.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Bloody Liverpool

Hey Freddie, I hope that man of yours isn't too upset at the knocking out of Liverpool. Maybe if they'd used the same footwork we did in the hot tub, they might have scored. Having said that, if they had used the same footwork....arrests might have been made, instead of bookings.

....It's a long story folks, ask Freddie and keep me out of it.

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Things that go bump in the night...

Seems 'Little Monster' has taken an interest in all things spooky lately. One story she finds fascinating is the one of Mary Ann Cotton. Mary poisoned her husbands and even her own children in the 1800's, and her story seems to have reached out and grabbed the local kids again. Seems we all like ghosty stories now and then....but Mary's tale isn't fiction.

Monster couldn't remember the rhyme that local children used to sing about Mary. So for 'Little Monster' and anyone else for that matter who hasn't heard the tale, here's the rhyme and a brief history lesson.....

Mary Ann Cotton

She’s dead and she’s rotten

She lies in her bed

With eyes wide open.

Sing, sing, oh, what can I sing,

Mary Ann Cotton is tied up with string.

Where, where? Up in the air

Sellin’ black puddens a penny a pair.

Mary Ann Cotton

She’s dead and forgotten,

She lies in a grave with her bones all-rotten;

Sing, sing, oh, what can we sing,

Mary Ann Cotton is tied up with string.

The story behind the rhyme starts in 1832 when Mary was born – the daughter of Michael Robson, a miner at Hazard Pit, East Rainton.

At fourteen she was initiated into the world of death when she witnessed her father’s mangled body being brought back from the pit. Neighbours must have thought her life was to filled with tragedies when after marrying Will Mowbray at the age of 19, four of their five children all died from “gastric fever”.

Months later, after moving to Hendon, Will died and Mary was left widowed – but rich from the insurance policies she had taken out on her family.

After getting a job in the Sunderland Infirmary, she married one of the inmates, George Ward, and the couple moved to Grey Street, but within a year, he too was dead. Only weeks after his burial she married James Robinson, a shipyard foreman and a widower who lived at Pallion. Within the year four of his children and her one remaining child – again from “gastric fever”.

But Robinson became suspicious after he found she had debts of £60 and was taking out another insurance policy – this time on him! He kicked her out on the streets, leaving her to wander around Wearside for 18 months before becoming housekeeper to Fred Cotton.

The couple set up home at West Auckland but Mr Cotton died in September 1871 – again from “fever”. A familiar pattern had developed.

Mary took in a lodger, Joseph Mattrass, but within months he and his two children had passed away. The fact that no suspicions were aroused was due to the very high mortality rate, especially among children, in Victorian England and because she moved around the region, switching insurance companies.

And so the saga would have continued had it not been for Mary telling a neighbour that her seven-year-old son Charles Cotton was misbehaving and he would so “go like the other Cottons”. When the boy died a few weeks later, the police were called in. A post mortem examination revealed arsenic in his stomach.

It didn’t take long for detectives to find out about her 15 previous victims and in 1873 she was convicted at Durham Assizes – despite claiming the poisonings must have been caused by her chemist preparing medicines incorrectly.

Even in Durham Jail, Mary tried to continue poison children. Left in her cell with her baby daughter she was caught trying to hide a piece of soap up her sleeve. Soap was often eaten by prisoners to deliberately make themselves ill, but in this case she intended to poison her baby to delay the execution.

Her next attempt to save her neck was to write to her lodger, William Lowery, pleading with him to get up a petition to call off the hanging, but he refused, telling her that there was no hope. As her execution drew closer, she asked for a Wesleyan minister, and spent several hours about her childhood in the chapel and Sunday school.

But despite all the stalling attempts, the day of her execution arrived – March 24th

The morning was damp and misty, and she left her cell and started to walk across the yard, with the death bell sounding in the prison.

Dozens of reporters and medical students watched her step onto the platform to have the noose placed around her neckas she shook uncontrollably, repeatedly saying “Lord Have Mercy On My Soul”.

Her hangman was William Calcroft – a keen admirer of the short ropes because ‘long ropes’ often resulted in the prisoner’s head been wrenched off. But the short drop had its disadvantages – as the crowd were to learn to their horror.

When the trap doors burst open and Mary fell, the drop was not far enough to kill her and her body jerked violently, swinging and bouncing as she fought for life.

For nearly three minutes the spectators watched in horror as she wriggled and writhed before eventually choking to death.

But her grotesque death brought little sympathy from the outside world and within days of her being buried inside the prison grounds, children gathered outside to sing their gruesome rhymes.

Monday, March 06, 2006

Bug stops play...

Well hello again, yes it's me. Not been very well this weekend, therefore that's my excuse for no posting. Saturday we did the walk I planned. 'Little Monster' took to being the child from hell most of the trip, I just knew on Friday night she was in one of those moods.
Saturday morning brought no more snow than what we had on Friday night, but over the Lakes you never know. As we approached Cumbria you could see the tops had a covering of snow, but not as much as we expected. I was pleased really, having 'Monster' with us, but she was gutted.
The sun shone as we set off from Ambleside and all seemed fine as we trod through Rydal estate heading towards Rydal Mount.

Seems every man and his dog was out walking, and a short distance along the estate track 'Monster' really did see a man and his dog. The local farmer was out feeding his sheep, much to the amusement of 'Monster'. She couldn't understand how he got them to eat in a straight line, not realising he'd spread the feed across the field in a straight line. I think she feels Cumbria has the most intelligent sheep anywhere.

Now don't get me wrong, we all need a rest now and then, but how come she always has to have the biggest sofa......

The day went well, but the promise of a 'big' cave at the end had to be repeated constantly to keep 'Monsters' interest. She seemed to be in one of those I'm going to twist all day moods, and boy did it wear thin to the end of the day.

We reached Rydal cave around lunch time, and for a few moments we were the only ones inside, but then the rabble appeared in the distance, even 'Monster' seemed quiet compared.
We spent a little time inside the cave, but soon made our way out and on down the fellside towards Grasmere, with 'Monster' getting more and more twisty with every step. The only thing that attracted her was the frozen lake, and trying to keep her from venturing onto the ice was a bloody task and a half.

On the way home, I remembered the stone circle outside Keswick, and after giving her a rather dark tale of witches and goblins dancing around the ring, she seemed excited to experience the dark bloody luck, a quick run around the ring, ruining the rather professional looking photographers picture, and that was it. Homeward bound.......and one grumpy girl, ready for bathtime.

Sunday morning brought some sort of bug, I was floored. I couldn't move without stomach cramps and the panic stricken dash to the loo. The biggest upset was I didn't dare attempt to go to Caitlins christening, I wasn't in the best of moods anyway but this really pi**ed me off. Bob called round to take our gift, and I prepared for a long boring day spent trying not to move. I think I've broken all records for the 'porcelain dash'.

I'll put a couple more pictures either on the FlickR thingy on the right, or on Cheeky pictures....or both.

I can hear screams downstairs, so I take it Man United aren't having a good game. I better go and see if the other half's put her foot through the TV yet.

Women......who'd av em ???

Friday, March 03, 2006


Well another week down, and another weekend upon us. Off to the Lake District first thing in the morning. Well I say we're off, but just looked outside and it's started snowing, and for some strange reason the other half just popped out to snap a picture....why oh why, I daren't ask.
The snow flakes actually look like those orb thingies on 'Most Haunted'..the back garden seems to be inundated with visiting spirits, the big one on the right must be the visitation of the Ally spirit, sponsored by Bells whisky no doubt. She has promised revenge......bring it on baby. He says with a nervous GULP.

The fact that 'Little Monster' is coming along tomorrow, means a little more common sense than usual will be used, I don't fancy getting caught in a whiteout on a walk with the wee one in tow. We'll have to see what the morning brings.
I see Freddie's had allergy tests. I wonder if they mentioned work as one of her irritants, and how the hell did she manage all that breathing, puffing and blowing without talking, well done Freddie, must have been hard not to mutter a word for more than 2 mins.

Well I better make a move, sort out map, download a few waymarks onto GPS just in case, and get oneself to bobo land.

Catch ya all tomorrow hopefully, and even more hopefully with a few photos....if we go that is.

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Poor Lonely Blog...

Seems ages since the last post, must be the life threatening condition I've just fought off, to bring myself through in one piece.
I know I've only had cold, but you know us blokes...I do have a wee cold sore on me top lip, starting to go now but it can't go soon enough. I have enough trouble keeping the bottom lip from dragging across the floor, without the top one blowing up like a baboons backside.

Had to get up early today, off to a mates daughters Christening on Sunday and haven't really had time to purchase one pressie. Well I have had time, I've just got into the habit of putting things off.
Caitlin will be three months now, seems like yesterday we popped round with a cuddly Teddy when she was born. Can't wait to see Darren and Tracy, I used to work with Darren, and pleased to say we keep in touch. What a character, loud, funny, works as a doorman on weekends so puts on that hard man image now and then, but really a soft touch...wouldn't fancy a bat off him mind you.
Tracy's just a lovely girl, has her work cut out with hubby I bet.
Anyway I've been to Darlington this morning, and got Caitlin a nice pressie, so roll on Sunday.

Works been hell this week, problems, problems and more problems. Had to work yesterday with our quality guy, seems he has less interest in the work than I have. Spent most of the time chatting about Harrys knees and Micks blood pressure. Harry if you remember is off work with bad knees, they were like balloons but now the 'Hindenburg' has nothing on them...
Mick however has high blood pressure, seems he's had quite a shock at just how bad he was.

Freddie, Lupin and the Orkney 'antichrist' Ally

seem to be able to find something to post every day....having said that, they are women, and we all know you girls can chatter....(he says waiting for the backlash)

I'll have to try and click that little grey button on the puter more often.

Well I'm off for now, hope to see you soon......

JOKE LADIES.......He says sheepishly.